As I struggle to grasp onto anything comforting during the acceptance that someone close to me has a problem with addiction, I find myself writhing in physical pain over their choices. How could someone choose their addiction over the love of their family? How could they allow themselves to self destruct in such a way? How could they turn down help from so many people who love and care about them?
I turn to my close friends and family for advice and a listening ear. They support me in the ways they know how to. I seek the support of agencies and services that are experts in this realm, they provide me with resources and support. Why do I still feel so alone? Why do I feel like the only one who is supporting this person who loves their addiction more than life itself?
It’s not often that I take time to meditate anymore or take time for myself. Time that is necessary to tune in to the Holy Spirit, our inner knowing, that still small voice. Surprisingly, the Holy Spirit knows my heart and whispered a empathetic word to me while doing the dishes.
Does our heavenly Father not also writhe in physical pain when one of his children takes a mistep on their path? When they make a choice detrimental to their own good? Our heavenly Father can deeply empathize with this physical pain in struggling to accept another’s choices, but he loves us anyways. He doesn’t stop listening, loving, caring, and encouraging us to do the right thing. We may not always care, we may not always be motivated but he’s rooting for us no matter the trial or tribulation.
I was both surprised and moved that the Holy Spirit would meet me in this way, even though I haven’t taken the time to listen. Not only am I struggling with accepting the choices of someone close to me, I’m struggling with my own lack of motivation and the ability to make time for myself. I also understood what it meant in that moment, to live my life for Jesus, to do things that will please him. I was raised in a Christian church and have listened to many a sermon in my day but I can’t quite say I’ve grasped or implemented a lot of what they were trying to convey.
Living my life for Jesus, in this sense, means living in such a way that I would make him proud. Which also includes taking time to listen, to be in nature, to enjoy life. Understanding the physical pain of someone’s detrimental choices led me to strive not to have my Heavenly father feel that way about me. I can’t control what someone else chooses, but I can love and support them. I can control my choices though, and I have a fresh perspective on my so-called lack of motivation these days.